Couples Counseling

I don't believe that we choose our partners by happy accident. One of the first questions that I ask in therapy is, "What originally attracted you to your partner?"

The answers are numerous. But the underlying pattern seems to remain the same. We are often drawn into relationship to work through our core lessons together.

The soul is seeking balance. As a result, we will choose a partner that complements us where we are deficient. The key to successful partnership is to appreciate our relationships for the gifts that they have to offer.

Tom Bolls, MA LPC

Seeking Balance in Relationship

"So if I was meant to be with my partner, then why are we both so miserable?"

The answer to this question leads me to two deeper questions:

(1) "What is the core lesson that you are struggling with in relationship?"

(2) "Is this the right person to help you learn that lesson?"

The very quality that attract us to our partner initially can often frustrate or repel us later in the relationship ... especially if we are not clear about what we need from the other person. Many times, our longings in relationship are unconscious. The goal of couples counseling is to begin to understand your unconscious patterns in relationship so that you can avoid making the same mistakes over and over again.