Relationship Test

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a greater understanding of ourselves." Carl Jung

THE RELATIONSHIP TEST

John Gottman is a famous couples counselor based out of Seattle. He has studied how couples interact together and contends that there are certain attitudes which threaten a relationship. Gottman has put these principles into action, and as a result, he can predict (with 94% accuracy) which people will stay married and which will divorce.

Gottman has devised a series of test questions to determine if a relationship is in jeopardy. Answer the questions below to see if your relationship might need professional help.

Are You Experiencing These Warning Signs In Your Relationship?

When my partner complains, I feel unfairly picked on.
My partner's negativity is too intense, too much, too out of proportion.
I think it's very important to determine who is at fault.
I feel like I don't get credit for all of the positive things that I do.
When my partner complains, I feel like I am being attacked.
There's no stopping me once I get started.
I don't complain until I feel hurt.
When I bring up a problem, I try to convince my partner that I am right.
My spouse can be pretty arrogant at times.
I get fed up with all of the negativity.
I try to make general points instead of talking about one specific action or behavior.
I can't think of much that I admire in my partner.
I can't help feeling that there's a lot of stupidity in my partner's behavior.
When my partner is upset with me, I think of all the ways that I let down the relationship.
I am fed up with all of the negativity, and I wish my partner would change.
When I am hurt in an argument, I think about ways to get even.
My partner's moods are so exagerrated and out of control.
I hate it when our discussions stop being rational.
I often withdraw, and find it difficult to look my partner in the eye.
When we have a big argument, I usually threaten to leave.
I disapprove of my partner's behavior.
I often think, "I don't have to take this kind of treatment."

Did you answer "Yes" to any of these questions?

If you answered "Yes" to 3 or more of these questions, there may be significant barriers to communication in your relationship. If you have a score of 5 or more, you and your partner may be engaging in behaviors that routinely damage your relationship.

What makes these behaviors so hurtful that it's so easy for them to become bad habits. They interfere with a couple's communication, and create a continuing cycle of discord and negativity. Together, the couple creates a narrative in their minds that says, "You don't care about me." Eventually you stop reaching out to your partner, fearing that you will be rejected or hurt once more.

When I work with couples, I split my time between being a therapist and a coach. The therapist in me helps tend to the wounds that the couple have suffered along the way. The coach in me uses specific techniques to help the couple engage in conflict without destroying the relationship. My hope is that with increased communication skills in a relationship, couples will have a safe place to explore all of their feelings.

Are You Seeking Counseling?

I am professional counselor, licensed by the State of Texas. If you are interested in meeting with me, I offer a 30-minute free consultation. Studies suggest that the one of the most important healing factors in therapy is a good personality match. We can use this time to talk about what's troubling you and see if I am the best person to fit your needs. To schedule an appointment, please give me a call or send me an email. I'll respond as soon as I can.

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Tom Bolls, MA, LPC

Psychotherapist
8500 North MoPac Expressway #820
Austin, Texas 78759
(512) 468-7832
therapy@tombolls.com