Couples often complain about communication issues in their relationship.  It's very true, and it's really no one's fault.  I tend to think about communication in terms of behavioral modeling.  We learn how to navigate our emotional needs by watching our parents deal with stress and then we imitate their coping strategies.  In turn, our parents learned from their parents.  There are no classes that teach you how to communicate in a romantic relationship, and so everyone is flying by the seat of their pants, doing the best they can.

Unfortunately, when I encourage couples to talk through their concerns, I see a lot of people argue ... but few people really know how to listen.  Often couples approach conflict like it is a debate.  In an effort to win the argument, most couples exhaust each other until one person finally gives up and goes away.  

The common traps that couples seem to fall into around conversation are:

• Convincing the other person that you are right
• An inability to communicate what we are needing
• Ignoring feelings and focusing on explanation (telling a story)